There are 9 Million Death Traps in Beijing

China. What a whirl of impressions and culture, plus crazy smog and weird things to eat.

Due to a miscommunication, I missed my pick-up from the train station and spent a good two hours trying to find a currency exchange and a cab. Turns out that the Chinese aren't wild about old Ghengis's face, because tughrik were impossible to get rid of. 

A face only a mother, and an empire spanning 33,000,000 square km, could love.

I choose to assume that I have had a curse laid on me, because once again I struggled to find the hostel that I was supposed to live in. (Anything else might lay blame on me for not preparing sufficiently, and we can't have that, now can we?)

Oh, in THAT shady alley!

Getting some free sight-seeing out of it, my cab driver waved over at least 10 locals and one very shady entrepreneur who offered to show me the way. Finally, I bit the sour apple and plugged my phone in to check if I had forgotten to print any vouchers with the address or number. Five conversation-less minutes followed. Long ones.

I had. 

Beijing Jade International Youth Hostel looks nothing like a hostel, and is easily the most boring place I have spent any time on this trip. A hotel foyer leads to a high desk of polished stone desk where the receptionists often gave the answer "no," to deter further enquiries. I assume there was a language barrier, but compared to Stu and Susan's Happy Dragon Hostel, the Jade left much to be wanted. (We'll get to that in a moment.) There was little to no encouragement to engage socially with other residents. 

The first night I spent roaming the streets of Beijing, hunting for the Happy Dragon. One might not have the greatest of shocks in finding out that there are plenty of jolly dragons in Beijing. After two hours, three hostels, five shady alleys and one hobo with a mouth full of no teeth, I found it!

The Happy Dragon Hostel is situated in a cosy little back alley and is pretty much everything a weary traveler could wish for in such an establishment. The employees are friendly, have a great command of English and like to strike up a chat with people nipping in to have a very cheap beer in the bar or to meet resident friends. The lounge and bar is always full of all kind of people, equally always ready for making friends and sharing stories. Germans, Canadians, Newcastlians and Norwegians all enjoyed eachother's company to the fullest. It was a late first night in Beijing.

The second day I spent in the Forbidden City, a grand and impressive fortress/palace/pimp-pad that countless travel-writers have documented far better than I will. Go see it, but expect great teeming masses of tourists and all the joy they bring. I got an audioguide and enjoyed quite a few hours there, but will keep the pictures of that particular area to a minimum. 

South East watchtower.

Had to walk to the Southern Gate. Took a bit longer than expected.

Southern Gate. The Emperor sure knew how to make a dude feel small.

16x2 metres of carved stone. Took them 28 days to slide the block 50 km over icy roads.

Even back then people took shortcuts to avoid dealing with customer complaints.

I also wandered Beijing both in daytime and nightime, because this city never sleeps. It is full of beautiful houses, interesting people and air so polluted you can chew it. 

*Cough*

Stu later observed that many Beijingese(?) tend to hork loudly and for a tremendous amount of time before spitting. I believe this is to dislodge great clumps of coagulated smog from their lungs, and expel them in a rapid fashion. Gross? Wait until I get started on the night markets!

Before that, however, I would like to talk a little about one of the more genuine experiences we had. On a day where I was a little at a loss as to what to do, Stu rocked up at my hostel with a bicycle. 

Hands down, it is truly the way to travel Beijing. You feel the wind in your hair, traverse greater distances and also have a constant niggling fear for your life. Chinese drivers seem to regard traffic lights like little more than polite suggestions, and are constantly zipping by as you pedal madly to make it across intersections. 

After seeing some impressive Chinese skyscrapers and trying out various VPN's to sate our facebook abstinence, we found  an inconspicious little park by the road.

Within we found what we had looked for, the actual residents of Beijing going about their lives and not just catering to tourists.

 There was a Tai Chi instructor practicing with his student, three gentlemen were practicing their whip-handling and -

What's that?

Oh yeah, that totally happened.

There were pensioners engaged in an impromptu karaoke session of sorts and a pond full of koi. 

I was very happy.

We also visited a temple depicting the Buddhist post-life punishments. Apparently they have some kick ass LSD there.

The next day, after meeting Anja and Julia, two lovely German ladies, a bunch of travelers from the Happy Dragon headed to the infamous night markets. (I had previously had a brief visit with Stu, but we didn't find the big one and instead found a rooftop bar with reggae.) 

There we had, in quick succession, snail, snake, shark, scorpion, spider and even silk worm. Cricket and grasshopper was also tried and tested. When in Rome...

... act like a tourist.

Snake

Shark

Cricket

Scorpion

All in all, mostly crunchy and very well spiced. 

Except the silk worm.

That evening I said good bye to Stu and my new friends and the next day I flew off to Bangkok and my Indochina adventures.

Stay safe, (and eat your peas.)

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