The Usual Suspects

It has been long, and what a ride. 

There are so many new impulses I've been struggling to digest (sometimes literally) from Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam and Laos. So many people, so much food and oh so many bad puns from the brits. I'll do my best to stick to the juicy bits, and not delve too far into the heated Star Wars debates that rolled back and forth on the sleeper trains in Vietnam.

At the commencement, we were a motley crew of 16 that departed from Bangkok on the 11th of March. If my memory serves me right, which it never does, there were 9 Scandinavians in the group. 6 of which were Norwegian.

No, wait, hang on. There were 7. Me! We'll get back to that.

Three British girls came and left the tour as well, keeping our numbers variable. (This, of course, being the easiest way to throw off potential Ninja Assassins.)

I suppose a few of them would pout if I didn't deign to give them a brief character summary.

CHARACTER SUMMARY!

The Smooth Operator: 

My room-mate and usual partner in crime. Easy on the eyes and carrying an aura of benevolence. Wolves look sharp in sheep-suits, though and the deepest sea is quiet. One might only wonder what moves around in his murky depths. A killer on the dancefloor and one can only assume that he is as lethal elsewise. Shamone.

The Lawyer Man: 

Pale blue eyes under a faux red fringe, sizing you up and looking you down. Contemplative and cutting when sober, debauched and elaborate when roaring drunk. A scholar and a gent when he feels to, a suave devil in a suit when not. Does he wish to uphold the laws of man or bend them to his will? Only he knows.

The Byronic Hero: 

Stern eyebrows, greying temples (at 18) and framed by a jawline so sharp you could cut adamantium on it. A thinker prone to brooding, but with enough self-awareness to know how little he knows. A rare trait in modern men. Carrying tragic flaws that make him sympathetic to the reader and irresistible to women. The cause of his ineviteable downfall? Backflips. 

The Dearest Mother: 

Hella lady with hella hair. Hippie finery rising up to hazel curls cascading down her back. Below a perpetually curled eyebrow, a razor tongue. Quick witted and well versed in the ways of the nerd. Called me Lando Calrissian once. I nearly cried. Also super indulgent with two certain boys when it came to carrying their junk. (Hint: not me or James.)

The Lady Viking: 

Equally crazy curls, only these were blonde. A Danish dame with a short name, but a liver for any drinking-game. Kicked gravity in the balls as she threw herself fearlessly into a 50 metre bungee-jump with both cheek and gusto. Lethal with a bucket. Deadly with a shot. In love with the Coco. 

The Esteemed Doctor C: 

A marvelous lady who probably fantasised about poisoning the lot of us after the hundredth question about "what this dot on my skin could be." Legs that start at the hips and end at the toes has better not give you any ideas though, wiseguy. Here is a madame who holds her own in any bar and can whoop the lot of us six ways to sunday. 

The Honoured Doctor E: 

A medical professional in exile. What strange and devious deeds might have brought such a lovely lady to these shady corners of the planet? She claims to be studying in Malaysia, to be on leave with a wish to explore. Could she be running from something back in England? Or maybe... someone? Who was that specially woven scarf for? 

The Canadian: 

She might have the others fooled with her polite ways and kind treatment of everyone around her. She might have gotten me as well with her cat-lady spiel, heart of gold and her backstory working for oil firms. I saw this mysterious mademoiselle for who she really IS! 

A stone cold drug lord with an iron grip on the Canadian West... Totally... 

They call her... The Maple Syrup Trap. She lures you in with sweetness, then WHAM!

The Danish Cat: 

Often quiet and elusive, but fierce when cornered. A sweet lady running a money-laundring scam with one of the Norwegians. A perfect front for a legitimate business, smiling and polite, but some say it was not always so. There are whispers that she ran a mafia family back where she came from. A hit girl. Queen of Hearts, they called her. But the heat came down and she fled to the east like the rest of us. 

The Punk Rock Chick: 

Pink haired and wild, with a knack for wrapping men around her finger. Claims to have come from a respectable background back in Norway, but nobody believes that to be true. She is too wild, too rough and to rowdy to be from anywhere but the mean streets of East Oslo. What brings her out (further) East? One can only speculate, but she will not go back home until she has found what she came for. 

The Sleeping Beauty: 

Fantastic poofy hair is just another trick in this girl's arsenal. Having taken the classic fairytale to heart, her motto is an easy going one: Sleep until hungry, Eat until sleepy. Super Ability: Sleeping anywhere, at any time. A warm and witty lady with a fine taste in compliments and ladyboys. However, one can only wonder...

Why is she so tired all the time?

The Welsh Connection: 

Sadly only granting us her presence for a short while. A wordly girl with some countries to her name, and who refuses to be tamed. A fearsome opponent in a debate, but a staunch supporter of all things just. Her birthday was celebrated in a dingy joint with some incredibly inebriated patrons and a haze of smoke running through the locale. As per Welsh custom. 

The Bodacious Brit:

A dusky beauty with a knack for havoc. Slayer of iPhones, queen of Bangkok and Beyond. Lovely dark curls could make any man think she might be an innocent girl. A wicked tongue with not one, but two pierceings has a tendency to set those poor fools straight, though. Shits given: Zero Fun had: Max. Rambunctious: Always. 

The Devious Dimples:

 A northern beauty who does not take no for an answer. Terrible as an enemy, really super cute as a friend. She has struck fear into many meddlesome fools, intent on inserting themselves as obstacles to this Odyssey. Goes by the byname "Boss Hanna" in the parts of the world where she is known, and really hates being kept out the loop when it comes to gossip. So, if you value your kneecaps, you will put her in the know. 

The Partygirl:

 Another nordic femme fatale who appreciates one thing over anything else. Wait, no. Two things! Asian Food, and FUN! A reckless soul who dives into every new situation head-first, with barely any persuasion needed from her friends. Barely... 

Known to ride Water Buffalo into battle. Not always successfully. Little is known of what she did in the past. Some say she was a black widow, leaving a string of broken hearts, empty wallets and slit throats in her wake. Others say she worked at a convenience store. 

The Not-Boring One:

 A chocolate-haired girl who has heard enough "tall jokes" for a lifetime, and is prepared to chokeslam the next sucker to utter one. Quiet at first, but a raging partystarter when befriended. A philosopher and reader. Witty and mindful. Probably makes a really good quiche. Deadly with a razorblade. 

The Flame:

A fire-kissed girl who has seen things no person was meant to see and done things that has no place in this blog. Big blue eyes to lull you into a sense of safety, kind words to lull you further in, then generous deeds to lull you all the way to the core, baby. There is no end to her cunning... you know... if she would stop being so goddamn nice.

Hellraiser Hilde:

 A total beast at parties, dishing out moves and drinks both left and right. A dynamo of excitement, energy and cocktails. They say she worked as a torpedo for the Norwegian gangs. However, it is more likely she has worked as an actual torpedo in a submarine, because this girl is an explosion of fun. 

007 - James Bun: 

I could write a blogpost, a short story... probably a novel about Bun. I tried. In the end, though, his stories are his. Our guide is an amazing guy, who has lived an amazing life. He told us about life under the Pol Pot regime, life as a monk, what it's like trying to rebuild a country and many more things than I will have the capacity to capture in this blog. He's an amazing guy, and pants-on-his-head crazy. We won't forget him.

That is all for now, I might post some assorted photos from the tour as well. A more comprehensive post will follow. 

Stay safe, dudes.

Eg reise ålaina.